Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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