theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
