he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
