I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
