you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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