we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He passed out mid-signature
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
