Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
