I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
