I didn't shave. On purpose
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
