i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My bed smells like the plague
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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