If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
