Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
