Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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