Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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