I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
