I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
