i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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