one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
