At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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