what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
