Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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