I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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