so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
