it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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