I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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