Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
