My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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