Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
