I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
