Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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