So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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