im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
