so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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