remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
