It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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