They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
