so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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