fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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