I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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