It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
