Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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