If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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