my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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