I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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