She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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