Just fell off a train. Bad.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
