Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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