I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
