You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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