I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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