He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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