I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I AM VODKA MAN
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
