3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
