I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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